Windshield

A windshield can only take so much,

It may seems strong,

But the glass is not unbreakable,

It gets hit by many things,

Like those rocks other cars pick up,

After so many hits it will break.

Fault

You say I am sixty percent at fault.

That my temperament pushed you away.

That because of me you fell out of love.

That choosing school over you was not smart.

That you sleep better at night since we went our separate ways.

That you are much happier now that you are single.

You have made it pretty clear;

It is my fault.

My fault for allowing you to disrespect me;

My fault for loving you too much that I allowed you to manipulate me;

My fault for losing myself in the process of pleasing you;

My fault for putting my needs and wants on hold to fulfill yours;

My fault for finally demanding some respect;

My fault for finally having the  courage to stand up for me;

My fault for finally pursuing my dreams;

My fault for being my own source of support when I needed it;

My fault because I learned how to love myself again.

Why I won’t go back to the Shadows

I am a DREAMER, the term was adopted by those of us who arrived in the United States as minors without proper documentation or who overstayed visas. I arrived in the states when I was four years old. I attended an elementary, middle and high school like the children of my neighbors did, where I learned the American culture and language. I grew up knowing I was undocumented but didn’t really understand what that meant until all my friends were getting jobs, applying for college, scholarships and getting their driving licenses. That is when I really understood I was different from those I grew up with, and the sack of bricks hit me hard.

It has been a very challenging road, in all aspects of life: work, friends, dating, and school. At some point in my life, I kept my status a secret from all I could due to fear of what people would think. Would they stay in my life or go? Many times, I sat across from people I considered friends as they talked in very demeaning terms about my undocumented community. Telling those I dated was even harder, my first love after we broke up told me he never popped the question because he was afraid I’d be deported. Higher education, I will finally be done with my college degree next year after 15 years as I have had to pay for my schooling expenses out of my own pocket. No, it is not free for us like many like to think.

Due to all the hard experiences I lived while I was in the shadows, I decided that I could no longer let people talk in such a derogatory way about me or my community. This was when my desire to see change happened. Early 2012 I located the closest group of active dreamers, about 40 minutes away from where I live. I organized with them and started to gain the confidence I needed to speak up and educate. I want to make sure my community is treated with respect and that they are given the opportunities they came to pursue. With this I also came to find out who my real friends were and got rid of those who weren’t.

I have heard of the DREAM act since I was in high school, every time it is introduced our hopes get high. It is now 2018 and our numbers of outspoken Dreamers has increased tremendously. Some in the undocumented community are going back to the shadows, others making plans to move to other countries, some have left already, some have been deported, many never came out as we knew DACA was not a permanent solution.

Because our lives have been played with for many years, I can no longer sit back and allow Congress to continue to mess with my life and the life of those in my community. Having DACA opened many doors of opportunity to where I have been able to contribute back to my community. I refuse to go back into the shadows, I have learned that even with being undocumented I have a voice. That the only way I can make my voice count is by sharing my story, educating those around me of our situation and having them join us in our fight as allies and help us push Congress to act and protect my community.

Quotes

• How am I supposed to feel at peace, when I know you’re in pain
• If only you would let me in, I would put your heart back together
• You were the person I least expected, but also the one I hoped for
• It is interesting how someone can make you feel so important, but yet make you feel so insignificant
• Sometimes you cry yourself to sleep, or in my case every night
• “One of the hardest parts of life is deciding whether to walk away or try harder” – Anonymous
• “For every minute you are angry you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” ― Ralph Waldo Emerson

To my true love

The day I found out about you, my heart was full.

The first time I heard your heartbeat, it became my favorite song.

The many times I didn’t feel you move, my stomach felt empty.

The next doctor visit could not come soon enough, I always hoped your song was still playing.

The day you arrived and I was not able to hold you, my heart ached.

The eighteen days we lived apart were an eternity.

The years we have spent together are definitely my favorite.

The way we live is not what I wanted for you, but I hope one day you understand.

The love I feel for you is beyond anything I could ever describe.

The thing I want you to know is that life is a constant change, but I in any shape or form will be there for you.

Love,

Mom

 

I Remember…

I remember our first date, and how I stole a small kiss.

I remember the expression on your face, you didn’t see that one coming.

I remember the excitement on your face when we became an item.

I remember all the nice things you did for me, from love to respect, to caring for me when I was sick.

I remember everything, including your fear of losing me.

I remember how I was the one to break your heart.

I remember how I pushed you away, my pride blinded me.

There was not a day I did not remember my actions, as I went through the healing process.

These memories have been a reminder that true love does exist and at the right time, it will come again.